February 5, 2000

leaving on a jet plane

I love the idea of taking off and flying away to see seas of strangers with a different world view and amazing sites. Unfortunately, I hate airplanes. I'm not afraid. Far from it. I know the odds of harm are small. No, I hate the confinement, the poorly pressurized cabins, the factory-like processing. A difficulty adjusting ear pressure over the years and a small problem sitting still as I've grown older make me a poor passenger. Even in the forward cabin. A tendency of stewardesses and even stewards to fawn over the male passengers in these cabins usually tops off the experience.

"Try to think how much easier this is than, say, being stuck in a hijacked airliner for six days," I tell myself. I pop a four-hour Dimetapp two hours before flight for the ears. I have some Advil handy if the muscles start aching. I swill water to offset the jet lag (largely a result of dehydration, I think). Properly hydrated, I can change time zones by six or seven hours pretty painlessly. If only I could be tele-transported.... It's airports and airliners I hate.

Forrest hosts a benefit for Project Transistions tonight ("Guess Who's Coming to Dinner"). From the pictures I download from the digital camera when I get home, I'll see that the French-themed Black Tie Event was a big success. When my ride to the airport comes, Forrest and Kim from the caterer are arranging flowers.

For an international destination (even if you are flying elsewhere first) you are supposed to get to the airport two hours before the flight. This time is absolutely necessary at many airports as the larger ones, especially in Europe, have devised an intricate obstacle course to consume this time.

In Austin one finds a lot of slack, usually, when you obey this two hour rule. I have time to buy some small Texas gifts for people I'll train this week and some extra luggage locks and check out the new Continental Airline Lounge. They have pretty good giveaways including little packets of cheese and crackers and snacks and fruit. I think I might take time to check out whether American has uped their offerings to match, but I decide to look for my colleague for the trip. (The company has purchased a 'two for one' trip and, theoretically, I'm not supposed to be able to travel without him.) He isn't at the gate so I'm thinking food court. Sure enough, he's there with wife and small kids eating lunch.

We finally leave Austin and go to Newark for a rather long layover during which we become hungry and eat fried things since a diner seems to be the best place to eat in the terminal. In the Airline club I see a nicely dressed man stuffing the pockets of his overcoat with bagels and packs of cream cheese.

I have been swallowing decongestants and I drink water and also a Jack Daniels. Sleep on the plane seems possible. We settle in on the plane. My traveling companion has gotten the aisle seat while I have the window...I prefer the aisle but his secretary made the reservations. If I have to ask someone to let me out, I'll go to the toilet far less often than I should.

In Continentals Business/First, you can actually get out without asking if the person doesn't raise the footrest which, of course, they will do on a long flight. Shortly, my companion discovers that his reading light is pointing roughly at the console in between our seats. Several people try to fix it with the final result that neither his light nor mine will light. Two other seats are located for us to use. The lights work but they don't seem as comfortable for sleeping. We skip the meal because we are full, have some drinks and I actually get a few Z's.

"Those who do not complain are never pitied."

Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

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