Friday

Sept. 14, 2001

what a week

Nothing has really happened to me this week.

Something has happened in the world this week.

I'm starting to suspect that I'm not going on this business trip two weeks from today. One conference that was part of the entire rollout is cancelled. (I wasn't going to this one and it began in just over a week, but it was part of our plan.) Still no one has given me the word to cancel stuff.

I'm not a person who prays. I dream, though. I dream of a world where people are free and people don't hate. Or, if they do, they stop and take reasoned, just actions against only people hurting them. I dream of a world where religions don't encourage hate or second-class citizenship (or slavery and mutilation) for women or anyone else. I hope and dream. But I don't believe it for a minute.

The flag-waving and Lord's Prayer repeating scares me a little. Wasn't it religion and patriotism that brought us here? Still, having those people all over the world mark our tragedy was moving. My friend in South Africa said, "cricketers playing in Zimbabwe test vs. South Africa all wore black arm bands. As someone mentioned on the radio this am, where were we all during the mass massacres in Rwanda and these other atrocities. The Holocaust also comes to mind, how generous were the other nations then?"

That's what I've been thinking, too. Even the 1998 bombings of US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, which killed more than 250 people were pretty bad. We bombed Afghanistan in retaliation. But most of those folks weren't Americans as it turned out.

Indeed, white Americans and South Africans have much to look into their hearts about. My friend there (a Scot by birth) says not much has really changed for people of color. "Life is still no better for the man in the street. You can't eat freedom, nor ride freedom.," she says. Public transportation is in a sorry state with rouge cab drivers shooting bus drivers sometimes.

But we are at war. Things won't ever be the same with wars, though, as in the 'great wars.' For one thing, anyone with Internet access and a TV can get great gobs of intelligence. In the 'great wars' one simply opened letters (which took weeks or months to arrive) and clipped out the news to home that was sensitive. How much harder to keep secrets these days.

A couple of my friends had interesting ideas for .weapons and security One was a weapon that was a gas that killed psychotic killers and left the rest of us unscathed. (Well, me anyway, and you, too, I'm pretty sure. Psychotic killers rarely make it this far into my site.)

Another said that her husband says that they should just give everyone boarding a plane a sedative. Make them sleep through the flight.

Of course, the bad guys would find a way around these measures...or find a way to thwart them.

I watched from the break room window as some of my co-workers joined hands, lots in red, white and blue, and said or sang something...I couldn't tell what. I couldn't get into it. I'm not feeling unified. I'm feeling like one voice, one point of view among millions.

I made some nachos and ate them.

I did some work. It was due Monday. So I did it. I even worked on a few other things with some enthusiasm. Well, a little.

I've also read all the online journals I could find recounting the day. The ones nearby have really added something to the news. The ones far away made me realize the impact of things American. These people aren't thinking much about the women under Taliban, but they understand the New York skyline and the crushing of people. I don't know much about the world either. But I think I may start to pay attention. It isn't fair to care so much about this and turn away from so many people in the world. But do we have the bandwidth to take in so much pain?

I came home to salmon cakes, spaghetti squash, mozzarella and tomato salad, a bottle of wine and some mango for dessert. Himself did it. I didn't think the squash would cook the way he was going about it, but it came out well. Only the pan was a little crusted and needed a good soaking. He's become quite the cook. I vow that I'll cook some when I retire.

We go to hear Rebecca play. She was stranded in Los Angles and only got home last night at midnight, driving. She rented one car and drove to Phoenix. Failing to get home from there, she rented another and headed home. I've heard stories of people buying cars. She plays calm piano tunes and her boyfriend and another friend (her SO is stuck in D.C. but holds two Delta tix for tomorrow) and FFP and I sit there, talking about plays and music. There is no TV in the bar at the Four Seasons. I'm glad. I can't take absorb any more.

We come home and I don't turn on the TV. I get a book of essays and get in bed and fall asleep reading it. I need that. I've never seen coverage that overwhelmed me like this. Overwhelmed me to the point that I had to purposely avoid it. I say it again as I said yesterday. What if something had actually happened to me?

censored...an ebay collage

Meta:
Many journalers posted, many close to the disasters....

JUST TYPING
Faith that is too strong drowns out reason.
Reasoning that is too solid, drowns out the special spark of mankind.