.Saturday, March 30, 2002

it's that time of year...for Mountain Laurel and other springy things

"Idleness is only a coarse name for my infinite capacity for living in the present."
G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936)

While FFP is at the scrimmage, I go to the parents. Dad is down to the last book I took him last time, Robert Massie's Peter the Great. I have picked out three more for him.

Mom has figured out her mail thing. But she wants to know how to 'get the WEB stuff' again. And, she says the 'news doesn't come up any more.' She has managed to get something else as her home page and she has also let something install into the system tray, some password management software called Gator. She hasn't given it any system info, apparently, and I think it is a legit deal but still, it's scary because she doesn't really know what she is doing. She doesn't shop online or put any real info there, however, and if it got completely destroyed it would just be old lost e-mail and a few drawings. Still, I try to keep virus protection up-to-date and such. I try to download new definitions and find that it has been a year since I renewed the protection. So I just whip out my credit card and pay for it. It's easier than explaining what she would be paying for. I try to help her make a greeting card, actually trying to learn PublishIt myself so I can help her. The clip art part crashes on me but we get one done. I need to spend more time helping her, but where would I find it?

I look at the flowers coming up in M&D's yard. Dad was out by the window in front of Mom's computer, hacking at some dead or volunteer stuff. He doesn't look 85 years old out in the yard doing something like that. He has amaryllis bulbs all over the house and yard, potted. Bulbs saved from last year's plants. They don't all bloom but one is ready to do it and he is very proud of it.

Home again, FFP suggests seeing A Beautiful Mind. Yeah, why not? I buy the tickets on-line and check the showtime at Gateway. We eat a small serving of the tuna salad to keep hunger at bay.

At Gateway, we park the car and walk up to the Whole Foods and find some Aloe Vera Gel caps that I need to keep supplied. Then we go over to Smith and Hawken and look at the over-priced garden stuff. Good looking stuff, though. FFP sees someone he knows and calls her name. She doesn't respond and I think it is one of those cases where he thinks he knows someone but they just look similar. But it really is this person he knows and she finally realizes he's talking to her and we chat. She says the movie is good and that Russell Crowe should have won an Academy Award even if 'he isn't that great a person in real life.' I wonder does she know him personally but I think not. The other night I saw a friend, a radio personality, who does know him personally and likes him. I, of course, don't read all that movie biz rubbish but I know he said or did something at the Golden Globe awards that made people angry. I think he is a great actor, though, after seeing a bio on him. (I admit to not having seen Gladiator all the way through. I watch it various patches of it on cable now and again.)

So, yeah, I'm not all that qualified to be a critic, am I?

I did once study mathematics. I never had a character quite like John Nash for a teacher but I had some characters. None were famous mathematicians but some were trying to stretch and find that one unique breakthrough. Some were just educators, some very good at that.

The power of mathematics to frustrate and entertain did come through in my state university education, though, far from Princeton, Harvard and MIT and the great mathematicians and scientists. For the record, I took a couple of graduate courses but basically gave up mathematics when I realized that I would not have the unique idea, that I would end up being a teacher. Most of the brilliant mathematics comes from men and young men at that. The guy who solved Fermat's Last Theorem is a famous exception to this. He was forty when he claimed proof. Shortly after he announced that flaws were found but he continued to work with some help from colleagues and is believed to have now proved the theorem. Of course, his proof is based on a lot of modern mathematics and is extremely complicated. So, it is almost certainly not the proof Fermat had in mind which, in my mind, was probably flawed. But then, I'm no more qualified in mathematics than in movies.

So, what did I think of the movie? First, I had no idea where reality and fantasy began and ended with this guy. I was pretty sure that they didn't punch a code number into his arm, though. Adding to my own delusions during the movie, there were voices in my own head. But those turned out to be the couple behind me who were talking during the movie and smelled of tobacco.

But I digress again. I thought Russell did a great job of the role. How close it is to the real John Nash I couldn't say. I don't keep up with mathematics and had not heard of him until the book and movie came out. I haven't read the book. I thought the movie was brilliant. But I was not pleased to see people pick up a piece of paper or a sheaf, shuffle it and announce it brilliant or drivel. In the real world of mathematics much more time must be taken to see what's brilliant if not what is drivel. (Couldn't Ron have at least made some movie time passing thing happen before brilliance was pronounced?) The make-up artists deserve some awards. Too bad they had to compete with Hobbits and stuff. (I'm not a fantasy fan.) Because aging real people, particularly those swollen by anti-psychotic drugs and the ravages of shock-treatment and madness is a touch more difficult in my mind.

I walked out and realized that I once wanted to come up with that one unique idea. That I wasn't capable of even trying and failing, that I was so fearful of failure that I didn't try. But I felt the urge. I think many people do feel it. But few actually achieve it.

So, yeah, I loved this movie. And I'll buy the DVD and every time I watch it I'll think of all the human potential lost to madness but also the human potential gained by people having the drive that John Nash had to do truly new work. Whereas most of us are simply paralyzed by fear of failure.

We drank a 'medium' coke ($3.50 and quite large) during the movie. We shared. We would have probably bought snacks but absolutely none of them appealed to us. So after the movie, the small serving of tuna salad had worn off and we were hungry. We dropped in Houston's and I had the tuna salad (fresh and seared rare, not the canned stuff) and FFP had salmon and brussels sprouts. We drank a couple of glasses of wine.

At home, I read a bit. And feel a little sad. I think that the movie is a little sad, even though it tried to be uplifting. At the end of the day, most human potential is wasted. Most things are futile. Most of us don't change the world in one positive way. We are sadder than John Nash and his demons. (Do you think his demons really looked like Paul Bettany and Ed Harris?) I feel the need to read the book now.

JUST TYPING
Doing what comes to hand.
Without thinking.
Make a salad of spinach, boiled eggs and bacon.
A batch of tuna salad.
Clean up.
Writing a short story in your head.
Visit mother.
Trying to guide her hand on the mouse.
But can't stop the random clicking.
A calm slowness.
Consideration.
I'd like to live like this.
But I won't.