Monday,
April 29, 2002
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self portrait
"Attention to health is the
greatest hindrance to life." |
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down and can't get up Dad calls early. Mom is less and less able to walk. He is going to try to get her to the doctor's office. I decide I better see for myself. I'm worried about work, but this seems to be developing into a crisis with my mother.
Mother doesn't really have a doctor's appointment, Dad has found. Once again she is confused. She is coughing and has thrown up her medicine because of it. She seems to have congestion. She is having lots of trouble getting around.
Work. I try to participate in an industry conference. Work is becoming increasingly horrible in lots of ways. Committees, meetings, tasks forces, steering committees, visions, work plans, road maps. No real decisions. Meanwhile, I'm trying to look at real issues: coming versions, presentations at conferences, work in progress on things I know something about that are mysteries and need my guidance or so I think. I am busy without progress. I look in the future of my job and I don't like what I see.
Dinner.Friends have engaged a pianist and oboe player to entertain a small group and then serve a multi-course dinner. It is supposed to start at six and we make a valiant effort to be there on time. Another couple is one hour late, making the evening longer than it should be but still quite nice. Duck confit salad, stuffed sole, elk stuffed with foie gras, a dramatic chocolate pyramid dessert.
We watch a tape of Third Watch and Crossing Jordan and fall asleep.
Sigh. I'm worried about my mother. About her apparent slide into a new stage. Maybe she will come out of this. I hope so. I'm worried about my work. How to make a difference in a sea of committees and so forth. How to care enough in the face of the obstacles.
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179
JUST
TYPING