The Visible Woman...August 24, 2003

I had certain dreams about how to live. Sometimes I am living that dream. Actually I'm always living it, but sometimes I appreciate it.

Part of this big dream about how my life would be if it were perfect was playing tennis on incredibly nice courts on pretty mornings and then having a nice gym to go to if I wished. Another part of the dream was having computer equipment to write on, lots to read, movies to watch.

I also wanted great coffee ready to hand and to be able to eat out or in, whatever I felt like.

So, yeah. This was the life I dreamed of for a long time. Maybe not since I was that baby in a bonnet but for a very long time.

I know I dreamed of travel on that farm where I lived when I was born. I sat on a 4x4 fence top with an old key I'd been given to play with, pretending I was on a motorcycle, traveling across the country.

So I'm I fulfilled? Dreams realized? Of course not. We build an army of dreams behind conscious ones, ready to reinforce the ideal vision with things that we haven't attained. My dreams now are, thankfully, less about having free time, the money for a country club, movies and food. Now I'm dreaming of doing a better job using my time, of writing and making movies and creating other things. I'm dreaming of better health (for me and those I love), more happiness for friends and family. If I ever looked around and saw those close to me doing as well as I in the dreams fulfilled department, then I guess I'd have to go for world peace and harmony. Little danger there. You don't have to look far to see people who don't have what it takes to fulfill them. And, indeed, I certainly have not attained what I dreamed of for accomplishments.

Sunday, August 24, 2003

A Journal from Austin, Texas. A Project of LBFFP Stealth Publishing.
food	reading	writing	time	exercise	health and mood

Easter 1949	living the life I had certain dreams about how to live. Sometimes I am living that dream. Actually I'm always living it, but sometimes I appreciate it. Part of this big dream about how my life would be if it were perfect was playing tennis on incredibly nice courts on pretty mornings and then having a nice gym to go to if I wished. Another part of the dream was having computer equipment to write on, lots to read, movies to watch. I also wanted great coffee ready to hand and to be able to eat out or in, whatever I felt like. So, yeah. This was the life I dreamed of for a long time. Maybe not since I was that baby in a bonnet but for a very long time. I know I dreamed of travel on that farm where I lived when I was born. I sat on a 4x4 fence top with an old key I'd been given to play with, pretending I was on a motorcycle, traveling across the country. So I'm I fulfilled? Dreams realized? Of course not. We build an army of dreams behind conscious ones, ready to reinforce the ideal vision with things that we haven't attained. My dreams now are, thankfully, less about having free time, the money for a country club, movies and food. Now I'm dreaming of doing a better job using my time, of writing and making movies and creating other things. I'm dreaming of better health (for me and those I love), more happiness for friends and family. If I ever looked around and saw those close to me doing as well as I in the dreams fulfilled department, then I guess I'd have to go for world peace and harmony. Little danger there. You don't have to look far to see people who don't have what it takes to fulfill them. And, indeed, I certainly have not attained what I dreamed of for accomplishments.
JUST TYPING Dreams. The kind that make you step forward. Into the future. In a certain way. Hoping for a certain life. Almost noone comes close to their dreams. And perhaps learning to accept that. Is life's biggest lesson.
		Food Diary. *About 10:45pm* Four pieces of turkey bacon. Salad with spinach, arugula, carrots, walnuts, shredded cheddar cheese, onions and Marie's Bleu Cheese vineagrette dressing. *About 2pm* 3/4 ounce piece of Laughing Cow cheese *About 6pm* *[El Mercado]* chips, hot sauce barbeque chicken enchiladas with onions (2) rice, some refried beans (not much) I've been saying to people, probably quite a few people, that I lost weight without dieting. It's only partly true. I've paid a little attention to what I ingested. I've increased the amount of water I drink and I've almost given up cokes. Although my diet today was shoddy, I did not have popcorn at the movies and I did not eat all the chips and salsa I'm capable of and I didn't have a beer with the Mexican food. No alcohol today. I wanted to snack or have a beer or drink when we got home. But I didn't.
		Time flies.... My day started at the tennis courts and gym. By the time I got home and ate, it was nearly noon. I spent some time writing (this journal) and surfing the WEB. By the time I'd showered, it was around 1pm. I sorted through old photos. (It's funny how few things we had...a couple of dolls, a tricycle, later some bikes, cowboy outfits. At some point I got a plastic pith helmet and a pedal tractor and my sister got a puppy.) From 2pm until time to go to the movies, I phoned a friend and read papers and worked crosswords. We decided, after seeing one documentary, to not try to see another movie. We would have been home late and tired. Decided to eat something, go home, watch TV and read. I was glad to see this documentary, though. It had lots of good ideas for a documentary. At home I mulled over old photos, watched some TV and read a few newspapers.

		Reading. From the Journals of M.F.K. Fisher. Old Mary Frances expresses a lot of ideas that I'm interested in and does them so well that I despair of writing on the subjects.
		Keeping up with this journal seems to sap away my writing time but of course socializing and reading and going to see films takes time, too.
		Exercise Three sets of tennis (6-2, 6-0, 6-1). Arm exercises. Thirty-one minutes on the recumbent bike.
		I kept starting to get up and not succeeding. But I was at the club at 8am. Feel good and don't feel quite as fat and sluggish.