There is a lull in summer. Things pick up in September, gather steam in October. And don't stop until summer. Oh, there's a holiday lull, sort of. But our October promises to set a high water mark for busy. I don't know if I'm just agreeing to more things because I'm retired or what.

I think that's it. I used to call a halt to putting something on every evening's agenda because I was at work during the day. I needed to be home some time. FFP works of course. But he works at home. He does put in long hours working, though. This must be tough on him, this social schedule. He has agreed to most of the things we've accepted or bought tickets to see, of course.

Looking at my calendar almost makes me swoon. Remember, I tell myself, you don't work so you have all day to exercise and have lunches and wander about. I used to think that would be so easy. I'd come home from work and have thirty minutes to get out the door for something. I'd be in jeans and hiking boots and a denim shirt and the event would be black tie. I envied the women who had 'all day' to get ready. Of course, I didn't have near as much getting ready to do. I don't do makeup, my hair is its own boss. Yeah, I didn't really need more time. But I felt rushed.

However, work used to be an escape, too, in a way. When I'm here I think I should be doing something constructive around the yard or house or working on the big writing projects I never do. If I stop to read the paper and drink a cup of coffee, I feel guilty. Well, a little anyway.

I thought I'd watch cable and DVDs and listen to music and surf mindlessly. I don't. Well...not often. When I worked, though, sometimes, even on busy days, I'd feel relieved to get to work. "All I have to do," I'd tell myself, "is this paper or e-mail or get this to work or make this call or go to this meeting and present this." I'd do that and feel good (or not) about the result and then I'd sit at my desk and look at an online journal while using another part of my brain to decide what else to do about work. Or I would check in on ebay or something. My company never fired us for this. Not me anyway. Nothing was pressuring me to do chores, my own personal writing, errands or anything, though. I was at work. If I cheated and looked at something on the WEB, it was OK, I thought. I spent lots of bandwidth outside work on work. Thinking about it, reading, actually preparing stuff and dealing with stuff at home. But the pressure to handle things at home was off when I was inside the building. I couldn't see the mess and I couldn't really do anything about it at that distance but think how easy it would be to just do it. I couldn't be expected to do stuff at home. Or sometimes I updated my 'to do' list for personal stuff at work. And vice versa. But I couldn't really do a lot of it.

So...in a way I feel more pressure now about using my time wisely, deciding on my own what is a good use of it. Because, in the old work days, when I got home, I felt entitled to a little relaxation, too.

 

 

 

 

 

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A friend was telling me yesterday about being sick. Strep throat, pinkeye. I can't remember the last time I really felt sick. I mean really physically ill. That backache I had was irritating but I wasn't really sick. And I took no pills. I can't remember the last time I swallowed a pill.