The Visible Woman...December 11, 2003

Today there isn't really exactly anything on my schedule. So you'd expect great things, right? Or at least a leisurely, no hassle day.

There is nothing on the calendar. There are no real pressing errands. I have only one Christmas gift that I'm at all worried about and I'm probably sending money or a gift certificate. So. I'm free as a bird. I could actually do some of the things I keep putting off like writing and organizing. That's the way I feel when I get up, kinda late.

But anxiety returns. There are workmen to talk to and things to decide. I am reminded that it is my in-laws 65th Wedding Anniversary. This can't go unmarked but we don't have a gift. I do shopping for bedspreads and nightstands online. Online shopping makes me nervous even when I 'just look.' The ebb and flow of workmen around the house is disturbing. I try to keep up with the dog and not let her get in the way. The frame carpenter is putting in pocket doors and blocks between the studs for bars. The masons are redoing the south wall part that is rock. The vent guy is putting on things so that they vents can be shut off. The activity makes me nervous. Should I be watching? What will go wrong? Would I see it? Probably not. Forrest goes out and I feel I should stay here until he returns. So I haven't exercised and I start to feel antsy about getting it done. I discover a flyer for a preview screening of a film I'd like to see. And it is tonight. So while we don't have to do anything tonight, it would be nice.

And that's how a 'free day' becomes a full and anxious one.

In the end, I did exercise (and for a fairly long time) and I made it by the store where we got the bed to measure the rise on the bed we are buying. I did buy a plant and a gift card and an anniversary card for my in-laws and we arranged to drop by and deliver them. And we made it to the movie.

But...I didn't feel like I had any free time nor did I make much headway on the to do list.

the view from our bedroom window, now closer up	I have the whole day 'free' Today there isn't really exactly anything on my schedule. So you'd expect great things, right? Or at least a leisurely, no hassle day. There is nothing on the calendar. There are no real pressing errands. I have only one Christmas gift that I'm at all worried about and I'm probably sending money or a gift certificate. So. I'm free as a bird. I could actually do some of the things I keep putting off like writing and organizing. That's the way I feel when I get up, kinda late. But anxiety returns. There are workmen to talk to and things to decide. I am reminded that it is my in-laws 65th Wedding Anniversary. This can't go unmarked but we don't have a gift. I do shopping for bedspreads and nightstands online. Online shopping makes me nervous even when I 'just look.' The ebb and flow of workmen around the house is disturbing. I try to keep up with the dog and not let her get in the way. The frame carpenter is putting in pocket doors and blocks between the studs for bars. The masons are redoing the south wall part that is rock. The vent guy is putting on things so that they vents can be shut off. The activity makes me nervous. Should I be watching? What will go wrong? Would I see it? Probably not. Forrest goes out and I feel I should stay here until he returns. So I haven't exercised and I start to feel antsy about getting it done. I discover a flyer for a preview screening of a film I'd like to see. And it is tonight. So while we don't have to do anything tonight, it would be nice. And that's how a 'free day' becomes a full and anxious one. In the end, I did exercise (and for a fairly long time) and I made it by the store where we got the bed to measure the rise on the bed we are buying. I did buy a plant and a gift card and an anniversary card for my in-laws and we arranged to drop by and deliver them. And we made it to the movie. But...I didn't feel like I had any free time nor did I make much headway on the to do list.
JUST TYPING Free time. Only useful. If you engage in something and accomplish something. But then there is a cost. So it isn't free time.
		Food Diary. *breakfast* nothing *lunch* the rest of the tuna fish salad (I ate most, but not all of this myself over a couple of days...three cans of water pack, two apples, three boiled eggs, generous dollops of mayo and relish and a bit of minced onion and white pepper and curry powder) *snacks* a couple of ounces of cheddar cheese a small package of savories from Japan a couple of Clementines (during their season I always do more citrus) *dinner* Pok-e-jos turkey plate with sauce and green bean casserole and slaw Today I - wanted to eat something else when I got home even though I wasn't really hungry but I just had a Clemintine
		Time flies.... I got up late (it was after 7:30) and FFP hadn't gone to the club. Some workmen showed up. I stayed here while FFP went to the club. I wrote (well just the journal and e-mails) and surfed the WEB looking at nightstands. (NO MORE MALLS! NO MORE BIG STORES!) I finally get an idea that might work and get inspired and start looking for bedspreads. The Heating and AC guy comes by and I talk to the carpenter about things and then FFP goes out again so I still don't go to the club. Then I realize it is FFP's parents' 65th wedding anniversary. Yikes. Now we need a gift for them quick. Stupid me. I do go get a plant and a gift card and an anniversary card for them. When I finally get to the club, I spend two hours including time for a shower after. It's so chaotic at home that it's easier to shower at the club. I think that I'll work on the piles o' newspaper when I get home but I don't. I talk to a friend on the phone and I surf the WEB for bedspreads...very frustrating...I hate everything I see. I like FFP's idea of starting out with an old one we have. Then it's time to go visit with FFP's parents and go to the movie. We slip into Pok-e-jo's and have a early dinner before the movie. Girl with a Pearl Earring is a big old cinematographic painting in the style of Vermeer. Not much in the plot department but lots of beauty.

		Reading. Serects of D-Day on the bike.
		nothing
		Exercise thirty minutes on bike legs, back and biceps exercises twenty minutes on bike
	. .	Didn't want to get out of bed but then I stayed up too late last night. Managed to create a little internal anxiety over nothing much.
	It's a Tangled Web we weave...these days of our lives.	One year ago "The thing about work? It wastes your day for you and you don't have to do it yourself!" Two years ago "There was a ton of food. I got a little brisket and a little turkey, green beans, etc. Then a little more. I put the weird-looking leftover cheese balls in the kitchen and got even more takers. I think if I'd gotten enough crackers that they would have been entirely eaten. There is so much food this time of the year. I didn't eat any sweets and there were many. Where do people find all that time to bake this time of year?"