The Visible Woman...December 23, 2003

In spite of the decorations (in other peoples' houses and yards) and the merchants and the fact that I've bought presents and planned for the traditional meal...it doesn't feel like Christmas.

Mother urged the spirit on us, I guess. Or the remodeling is dampening things. For whatever reason, it doesn't feel like Christmas.

Mom did go for it with gusto, all right. She got excited about giving gifts and getting them, decorating, cooking, wearing 'seasonal' clothes. (See below.) She liked the tradition of playing games and putting together puzzles. She even liked egg nog although sans bourbon or other booze in later years.

So maybe I miss her pushing me to feel like it's Christmas.

Maybe it's the remodeling thing which keeps us from really living in the house, much less making an effort to make it look like Christmas. There are a few wrapped presents and Christmas sacks with presents in the living room but they are dwarfed by furniture and boxes and other stuff crammed in from other parts of the house. (It didn't help that I had to move stuff around the other day so an art dealer could take a look at our bronzes either.)

Maybe it's that I'm not real religious. And I'm not looking forward to any present or time off. It isn't that much fun giving stuff to old folks. My nieces and great-nephews are far away. And Amazon disappointed on a gift for one niece. No big deal but it would have been nice if they'd delivered it. Personally, I don't need anything. Living in part of the house with a lot of my things packed away has convinced me that I don't need most of the stuff I have...much less anything new.

Maybe tomorrow will feel like Christmas Eve when I get some of my traditional vegie dishes together, pick up smoked turkey and a pie and go to an open house. Of course, we've been to several parties where there were great decorations and festive food and even eggnog and I even wore a red sweater a cool friend surprised me with one Christmas. Still didn't work.

Today I went to Grapevine Market to get something for our supper and a bottle of Benedictine for my dad. The place was packed and the patrons and workers were buzzing around. Gals wrapped bottles for donations for the humane society. I ran into a friend outside who was looking for any wine from a list of recent reviews in Wine Spectator. She said it was one of those 'special mission' gifts. She hadn't found any of them in Grape Vine. Now, harried shoppers (especially for alcohol) and special missions speak to the season, don't they? It didn't change my mood.

I think my dad may be feeling it, too. Last year we were still recovering from losing Mom. This year he calls every day, finds people to go out with. But I don't think he's captured the spirit either.

Oh. Well. I'm no kid. No Santa Claus necessary. I would drag out a jigsaw puzzle if I thought it would help. But I think I'll let Christmas day come and go, visiting with my dad and in-laws, eating turkey and opening our little presents, and move on.

Mom always had the spirit going...	it doesn't feel like Christmas In spite of the decorations (in other peoples' houses and yards) and the merchants and the fact that I've bought presents and planned for the traditional meal...it doesn't feel like Christmas. Mother urged the spirit on us, I guess. Or the remodeling is dampening things. For whatever reason, it doesn't feel like Christmas. Mom did go for it with gusto, all right. She got excited about giving gifts and getting them, decorating, cooking, wearing 'seasonal' clothes. (See below.) She liked the tradition of playing games and putting together puzzles. She even liked egg nog although sans bourbon or other booze in later years. So maybe I miss her pushing me to feel like it's Christmas. Maybe it's the remodeling thing which keeps us from really living in the house, much less making an effort to make it look like Christmas. There are a few wrapped presents and Christmas sacks with presents in the living room but they are dwarfed by furniture and boxes and other stuff crammed in from other parts of the house. (It didn't help that I had to move stuff around the other day so an art dealer could take a look at our bronzes either.) Maybe it's that I'm not real religious. And I'm not looking forward to any present or time off. It isn't that much fun giving stuff to old folks. My nieces and great-nephews are far away. And Amazon disappointed on a gift for one niece. No big deal but it would have been nice if they'd delivered it. Personally, I don't need anything. Living in part of the house with a lot of my things packed away has convinced me that I don't need most of the stuff I have...much less anything new. Maybe tomorrow will feel like Christmas Eve when I get some of my traditional vegie dishes together, pick up smoked turkey and a pie and go to an open house. Of course, we've been to several parties where there were great decorations and festive food and even eggnog and I even wore a red sweater a cool friend surprised me with one Christmas. Still didn't work. Today I went to Grapevine Market to get something for our supper and a bottle of Benedictine for my dad. The place was packed and the patrons and workers were buzzing around. Gals wrapped bottles for donations for the humane society. I ran into a friend outside who was looking for any wine from a list of recent reviews in Wine Spectator. She said it was one of those 'special mission' gifts. She hadn't found any of them in Grape Vine. Now, harried shoppers (especially for alcohol) and special missions speak to the season, don't they? It didn't change my mood. I think my dad may be feeling it, too. Last year we were still recovering from losing Mom. This year he calls every day, finds people to go out with. But I don't think he's captured the spirit either. Oh. Well. I'm no kid. No Santa Claus necessary. I would drag out a jigsaw puzzle if I thought it would help. But I think I'll let Christmas day come and go, visiting with my dad and in-laws, eating turkey and opening our little presents, and move on.
JUST TYPING Counting the days. As a kid. Even as an adult. Time off. Gifts. A steaming cup of coffee and a puzzle or game.
		Food Diary. *breakfast* banana clementine some goat cheddar *lunch* a bunch of tofu, no-egg salad green onions carrots some salt and vinegar chips two fruit pectin candies *snacks* six or so of those darn candies dinner [a traditional sentimental favorite with us] avruga (a 'fake' caviar) and lemons and onions some Brillat Savarin triple creme cheese some goat cheddar crackers (many) a half a bottle of burgundy a clementine Today I - threw caution to the winds and ate whatever I felt like eating.
		Time flies.... I am up by 7:30. I dress for a workout but I hang around to see what workmen turn up. FFP comes home and takes a shower and runs an errand. The yard men tidy up the yard. I talk to Dad on the phone. Guys come with sheetrock. They leave the back door open even during a break and the house is a gust of cold air. There are workman, the maid, FFP in and out. I go out to work out and later to Grape Vine Market for caviar-like substance and a present for my dad. Then it's time for some dinner. I ate lunch late, though, and I'm not really hungry. Doesn't keep me from eating cheese and caviar-ish stuff, though. FFP and I watch The Simpsons and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (I miss a math question and he a music one...sigh.) Then we wait for Law and Order while reading and dipping into The Manchurian Candidate.

		Reading. As Eagles Screamed on the bike. Old newspapers and even some recent ones. Earthquakes, a disappointing shopping season, Chinese making toys in sweat shops, the Wal-Mart-ing of America.
		nada
		Exercise thirty minutes on recumbent bike my chest, shoulders and triceps exercises fifteen minutes on bike
	. .	I don't feel like I've been sick. I can muster a sniff or snort if I try. That's about it. I have my energy back.
	It's a Tangled Web we weave...these days of our lives.	One year ago "After Big Night, we decide to watch Dr. Strangelove. It's FFP's choice, I think. But he gets the votes for it. I never get tired of this one either, but FFP really, really loves it." Two years ago "FFP wants to walk up the mall and refresh his memory about the statues there. George Washington, Jefferson Davis and Woodrow Wilson in case you were wondering."