The Visible Woman...February 16, 2004

Monday, February 16, 2004

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A Journal from Austin, Texas.
A Project of LBFFP Stealth Publishing.

health and mood

the punch list changes but no satisfaction

I get no satisfaction from the remodel. When one thing is fixed we find something else, possibly just created.

I have now accepted that I will be forever disappointed with this remodel. A tiny bit of it may be my own selection of materials. But mostly it is the things the workers have visited on me that can't be fixed to my satisfaction, that will always taunt me. "You spent a lot of money and this is the best you could get," is what these things will say. Lots of things in life are like that.

Or not. Things will get finished and we will settle into the space and love it and overlook things that maybe, just maybe the person who buys this house will also overlook. (Or maybe they will just be looking at the raw space and thinking, "This is a nice size, we can gut it."

It's not a feeling that pumps up my mood.

Things break, fail, get damaged. Just today the old washing machine that conveyed with Dad's house almost four years ago had to be replaced. I was surprised it lasted this long. That doesn't bother me. What does bother me is buying something 'brand new' that is damaged already. That happens often enough but I'd like the newness to last long enough to use the thing once. Meanwhile, sleeping on the pull-out couch for almost four months, I'm not a happy camper. When I occupy this room, it will already seem far from perfect.

snow can make things look pretty but some things can't be covered up (this was Saturday's landscape for about five minutes)

JUST TYPING

You shouldn't look for perfection.
In anything in life.
Certainly not in consumer goods or construction.
Look for 'good enough for now' and hope for the future.

Food Diary.

breakfast
nothing

lunch

some tuna salad
two slices of homemade wheat bread, mustrard, vegetarian barbecue

snacks

a handful of those little heart candies [the gym had a dish of them out]
a Manhattan
slice of American cheese

dinner

small bowl salad greens, carrots, onions, cheese, dressing
piece of salami
Clementine

Today I
- wasn't really that hungry all day.

Time flies....

I was off to the club before eight-thirty. We were late getting in the water for our water aerobics and it was a bit disorganized because we didn't have an instructor and had to find someone to get the cover off and such. I showered off after and did some time on the exercise bike.

Back home there were issues of the remodel. Have I mentioned how nervous the remodel is making me? I also dealt with my dad needing a new washing machine at his house. The pump leaks. The handyman came over to talk about it and I gave him money to go buy one and put it in.

In the evening I was feeling pretty good but the more I look at the remodel the more upset I get and finally I get up and read newspapers and try to doze in the chair, watching some Merchant Ivory type movie, sleepless.

Reading.

Newspapers. I have been drawn into some political reporting lately. Normally I just can't get started with politics. Which may seem silly since I'm all about reading about the politics during WWII. I'm a terrible citizen because I hate all parties equally. Or maybe that makes me a good citizen but I doubt it.

The Conquerers by Michael Beschloss.

Voices of D-Day. ed. Ronald Drez. Forgot to take it to the gym today, though, so I read old abandoned magazines there.

Started watching a DVD course on WWII.

nothing

Exercise

recumbent bike	55 min
treadmill
ergonomic rower
water aerobics	1 hr
chest, shoulder, triceps
leg, back, bicep
lower back
ab exercises
stretches
walking
tennis

.

.

I feel like my life has gone by somewhere, like the train pulled away and I wasn't even at the station, not even close. At the same time, I'm resigned to all of it.

It's a Tangled
Web we weave...these
days of our lives.

One year ago
"All, in all, I think I understand how the inner sanctums look and feel, though. And that's all I wanted to know. I didn't want to live there. I just wanted to be able to describe it with some accuracy. Although I do like a game of tennis on a wonderful court now and then or a fine meal with obsequious waiters and giant linen napkins. I wouldn't mind living in an enclave but, all in all, I think I'm actually happier not doing so."

Two years ago
"My palate was seared with a black pepper wasabi assault. The tuna was a little more cooked than I like but no matter. The tender red center was tasteless under this assault."

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