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Monday June 5, 2000
"If a tree dies, plant another in its place." Carl Linnaeus, Quoted in Biography of Linneaus
topping the dead tree
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alive and dead, lost and found They topped the tree today. I liked this tree. It was probably 40 years old or more. I don't think it died of old age because two younger volunteers of its ilk died at the same time last year. Why? Forrest had them top it because the tree has lights on it. I thought we should remove the lights, take it and the stump out and start a new tree. At least we won't have dead limbs falling out of the sky. The workers were amazing. They took the trees out and chipped them up in short order. As I took pictures, a guy motioned me over. Davy, it said on his shirt. "If we leave that trunk, it will only last one or two years and you will be able to push it over. It's really soft wood." I went to work late. More and more I go to work late, starting by reviewing my mail here. The traffic is lighter, but I also wonder about my drive, my eagerness. Is it waning. Another colleague is retiring. I asked her at the going away party the other day, "So, when are you retiring?" She couldn't say (hadn't told the team), but it turns out the answer is, "Very soon." I am not retiring now. But I've set a deadline to consider it seriously. When I get home from work, Forrest and I go to Westwood. We ride the exercise bikes for about twenty minutes and read. Then we sit in the waning day by the pool and watch af few kids play and the lifeguards clean the pool. I decide I'm going to swim some laps this week. Things change. People quit. Trees die. New things grow. I grow old. I lose things or give them away. I don't miss them. Things don't do it. It's the life of the mind. I've been thinking a lot about happiness. And what it takes for me to have it. I'm sure of a couple of things. One, I don't need a better house to be happy. I don't even need the remodel we've considered to modernize the bathroom and give us a walk-in closet. Although that would be nice. Two, I know that I don't need a very fancy car to be happy. I know I need to feel financially secure. I know that I need books and outlets for my creativity. And some active exercise and a bit of travel. The fact is: I am happy. But I'm not sure I'm spending my time, in every case, as I would like to do.
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