The Visible Woman...November 22, 2003

Sometimes I realize I haven't seen someone in a long time. I feel divided by the time and distance. But when people die, that is the big divide. Last year, I went to funerals or memorials for three people in two weeks in September. Things piled up on me then but then there was a respite. In the last three months, I've been to four funerals or memorials. Two have been for people younger than I.

Yep, it's the big divide. Even when we keep people alive or they are just slipping away, the physical body is there, heart beating, air going to the lungs. But once that stops, well, everything is different. You don't need nourishment, air. And we the living have to dispose of your physical self.

I don't know what else happens when one dies. But FFP played an Iris DeMent song called Let the Mystery Be when we were out in the car today.

That's how I feel, too. Let the mystery be. I've been looking at the mystery a little more often these weeks. Last year people said these things 'come in threes' but they obviously come in fours, too.

Caught in the act of having fun at my fiftieth birthday party by someone with one of the disposable cameras...he didn't make it to fifty himself. "I believe in love and I live my life accordingly But I choose to let the mystery be." Iris DeMent	the great divide The biggest distance is between alive and dead. Sometimes I realize I haven't seen someone in a long time. I feel divided by the time and distance. But when people die, that is the big divide. Last year, I went to funerals or memorials for three people in two weeks in September. Things piled up on me then but then there was a respite. In the last three months, I've been to four funerals or memorials. Two have been for people younger than I. Yep, it's the big divide. Even when we keep people alive or they are just slipping away, the physical body is there, heart beating, air going to the lungs. But once that stops, well, everything is different. You don't need nourishment, air. And we the living have to dispose of your physical self. I don't know what else happens when one dies. But FFP played an Iris DeMent song called Let the Mystery Be when we were out in the car today. "Everybody`s worrying `bout where they`re gonna go When the whole thing`s done Nobody knows for certain, And so it`s all the same to me I Think I`ll just let the mystery be" That's how I feel, too. Let the mystery be. I've been looking at the mystery a little more often these weeks. Last year people said these things 'come in threes' but they obviously come in fours, too.
JUST TYPING Death. The final barrier. Even if You never see someone. You could. Until.
		Food Diary. *breakfast* none lunch [NeWorlDeli] half of a Reuben (that is, honestly, like a whole sandwich) cup of Black Bean Marsala Soup *snacks* about two ounces of goat cheese brie and ten or twelve crackers *dinner* a little less than half of two frozen Indian food things, one with chicken and rice and one with spinach and cheese and rice two bowls of salad with spinach, greens, squash, carrots, green onions and some Feta dressing couple glasses of red South African wine Today I - felt hungry and in need of coffee a lot - but didn't feel like I ate too much although I guess I did
		Time flies.... I got up late and then had to rush around a little to get to the funeral. When I got home, FFP was working in the yard and my dad was visiting my neighbors, listening to the kids play their instruments. I changed to something casual, FFP cleaned up and we went to lunch at NeWorlDeli and then went to Half Price. FFP wanted to score a fresh copy of The Sound and the Fury. But they were having a tent sale with everything twenty-five cents or a dollar. We happened to spy a place to park so we went. After looking around a little I notice a long, long line to checkout. So I stood in it with my dad's picks and a D-Day book I found. We finally got to the front. Dad and I waited in the car while FFP went to the actual store and got his fresh Faulkner. At home, we loaded some outdoor potted plants into Dad's van and I went to his house to help unload them and put them on his glassed-in porch. They are going to spend the winter in his care. I helped Dad put the seats back in the van (we'd had all but three out since June) and went home. FFP wanted to shop for some music so we went to the secondhand disk place on Lamar that used to be, long ago, Whole Foods and, apparently before that a nightclub called Mother Earth. I looked in a fancy linen place next door at organic matresses and such. Home again we did a few things and decided to go to the gym. I worked out as long as FFP wanted to do it (we rode together). We decide to watch movies we rented a week ago and haven't watched. We get through Tree's Lounge and doze through The Royal Tannenbaums. We don't tackle the foreign one with the subtitles. FFP returns them so we won't forget. I drink the last of my wine, doze, drink water, read papers, flip around some cable channels. Finally I go to bed and try to read the papers. I sleep.

		Reading. Franklin and Winston: An Intimate Portrait of an Epic Friendship by Jon Meacham on bike. I'm at the stage where Uncle Joe (Stalin) is interfering with the friendship. Newspapers..they are still piling up but I spar valiantly with them, falling asleep in my chair or the bed with a section in hand.
		This and only this. Well..silly things for my sister that don't really count.
		Exercise thirty minutes recumbent bike several leg and back exercises
	. .	Funerals are depressing and I also had a little digestive upset. Nothing too serious. (The Reuben perhaps?)
	It's a Tangled Web we weave...these days of our lives.	One year ago "We bought a new TV that is German and I don't trust it. It keeps trying to take over things. I'm only half joking. No, I'm serious. It's just like all the money you sink into computers and the way you can never get them to work the way you want.." Two years ago "It is nice to have family. That's enough to be thankful for."