The Visible Woman...February 8, 2004

I have in my mind that I won't worry and that FFP and I and the dog will do just as we please.

Not having any workmen or other visitors all day makes me realized just how much the whole process is driving me crazy. I thought it would be neat being around while the remodel was happening, not having to go to work. Not.

We get out to go to the club and do a little shopping and video renting, but otherwise we just stay in.

We eat junk food, read and watch TV and video.

We are the masters of our own house.

Chalow enjoys enjoying sitting with one of us in our easy chair and then the other.

No one visits except for a family looking for their cat, distributing fliers. No one calls except my dad to 'check in' and a friend for a brief 'hello.'

The peace is nice but it gives me too much time to think...about the coming controversy with the contractor over remodel things I'm not happy with and the coming visits to doctors with my dad. Too much time to worry about money, taxes (I did a few more entries on my worksheets, calculating bases for things we sold), selling this house one day, my poor diet, my need to downsize.

So...I didn't really take a break from worry. Just from doing anything about it. That's always the way, isn't it?

	take a break from worry I have in my mind that I won't worry and that FFP and I and the dog will do just as we please. Not having any workmen or other visitors all day makes me realized just how much the whole process is driving me crazy. I thought it would be neat being around while the remodel was happening, not having to go to work. Not. We get out to go to the club and do a little shopping and video renting, but otherwise we just stay in. We eat junk food, read and watch TV and video. We are the masters of our own house. Chalow enjoys enjoying sitting with one of us in our easy chair and then the other. No one visits except for a family looking for their cat, distributing fliers. No one calls except my dad to 'check in' and a friend for a brief 'hello.' The peace is nice but it gives me too much time to think...about the coming controversy with the contractor over remodel things I'm not happy with and the coming visits to doctors with my dad. Too much time to worry about money, taxes (I did a few more entries on my worksheets, calculating bases for things we sold), selling this house one day, my poor diet, my need to downsize. So...I didn't really take a break from worry. Just from doing anything about it. That's always the way, isn't it?
this old Hunter fan was that typical brown...I had it painted enamel black for the new room
JUST TYPING No one comes over. Except a family with a flier for their missing cat from their ink jet. No one calls. Except Dad. Just to check in. And give me his schedule. And a friend. To comment on the Grammys. And our trials with parents.
		Food Diary. *breakfast* nothing *lunch* nothing *snacks* *sort of an all snack day* with a few bites of samples at Whole Foods some hot tofu dip and tortilla chips several slices of American cheese some cheddar cheese a couple of cereal bars (about two hundred calories) some carrots and green onions a Clementine two slices of whole wheat bread, mustard and vegetarian barbeque two Manhattans (but...I don't eat the cherry!) *dinner* nothing Today I - couldn't get around to eating properly at all. - just kept snacking..
		Time flies.... We took the whole day in relaxed mode. We were celebrating having no one in our house. Yeah, there is dirty cardboard strewn from the back door to the unusable bedroom and bath and we are living in our less of a house with extra furniture and stuff. But no contractors were tramping around the house looking dumbfounded and we didn't have anything we had to do. We went to the club together and after that to Book People, Whole Foods and Tape Lenders and came home with a couple of DVDs. We settled in to eat whatever junk and watched Lost in Translation (which I had seen with a friend) and which isn't as good the second time or on the little screen and Seabiscuit which is a sappy movie about a sappy story. I started watching Finding Nemo which I'd also rented but we ended up taking showers and reading our mail and surfing and then flipping channels to catch King of the Hill, The Simpsons, Grammy Awards, Sex in the City and The L Word. I read a lot of the Sunday papers and several other older days, too.

		Reading. Newspapers. The Conquerers by Michael Beschloss. (This is my bed time book. Currently I reading the part that is a long discussion of Henry Morgenthau, Jr. and his influence on post-war treatment of Germany.) Omaha Beach; A Flawed Victory by Adrian R. Lewis. (The tedium remains but I was interested in a discussion of the formation of the Engineering Combat Batallion that my friend's dad was part of.)
		nothing
		Exercise thirty-one minutes on recumbent bike chest, shoulder and tricep weight routine
	. .	The slothful feeling of going around all day in sweats or a bathrobe didn't really improve my mood although having no chaos in the house for a day except the dislocation of everything did give me time to think.
	It's a Tangled Web we weave...these days of our lives.	One year ago "I am such a medical nihlist anyway. I know psoraisis is an auto-immune disorder but I still believe it can respond to being ignored." Two years ago "We listen to Rebecca and then get tired and pay up and leave the Bingo players and the sleeping terrorist and a few oddly mini-skirted girls and other hangers-on and grab our car and drive back through the streets filled with beaded drunks and home."