The Visible Woman...February 12, 2004

I am too easily distracted. And today's world is too full of diversions. If I am more public with my journal, everyone can see my failings. Of course, anyone can see them now who stumbles by.

I ask himself a day or two ago if I should promote this journal or just keep hiding in plain sight. (He said, "I think you should promote the heck out of it. Who knows what it might lead to?") I was thinking about this for several reasons.

Himself had pointed out that the neighborhood paper he writes for had a WEB site and was linking to one version of our family WEB site. (It could be a business WEB site but, really we don't need one, so it's just a family one.) Depending on how you display the page, there is a link to this journal a little above or below the 'fold.' (The lowest point you can see without scrolling..) So, of course, this potential exposure got me thinking about whether I should remove that link or whether I should just decide to promote the journal and see where that goes.

Another thing that brought the issue of promotion to mind was the trip to the book store to read the books for free yesterday. I almost bought a book by Pamie who parlayed WEB success into publication.

And then there is this other thing that occurred to me. Maybe, if I were promoting the journal and it continued to chronicle everything I did, ate, thought and every muscle I moved then...maybe, just maybe that would shame me into doing more with my life. Maybe I'd be ashamed to eat candy, miss work outs, not write, leave my house a mess, goof off and complain about my charmed life. Maybe I would start to lead a more exemplary life in the glare of the spotlight.

Because when I said the other day that I was satisfied that, after sixteen months of retiremen,t I had lost some weight and could touch my toes...well, I didn't really mean it. I'm really ashamed of how little I do with all this time I have. Sort of, anyway.

The problem is distractions. Accomplishment requires repetition of applied effort. You have to concentrate for a certain amount of time, frequently.

I am easily distracted from any goal I set. I have lost weight and I can touch my toes because I have relentlessly spent an hour or more on many, many days. This same sort of effort, applied to any other goals I have, would work just as well. Or would certainly bring me closer to success.

I produce a journal each day by exerting a certain amount of consistent effort, too. I have made it a priority. It is right up there with reading and sleeping; studying French (although I mostly do that in the car and can't say it's working all that well); planning our trips and social life; socializing; and, of course, eating and drinking.

As I go about my days, I dart back and forth between these few things I've given priority. I would like to be the kind of person who doesn't get distracted by WEB searches that go off on tangents or the random thing I pick up to read. These things tend to send my days into rat holes. Other excuses abound right now, too. The remodel and its attendant chaos make me nervous and keep me from getting started doing some things. I need to spend time with my dad and I worry about him. This is a worry, a distraction, an excuse.

If I promote this journal, I could pretend that I'm not mentioning great and wonderful things that I am doing. I could lead the reader to believe the mundane things found here aren't my whole life. But who would I be kidding?

A part of me is genuinely proud that I can easily touch my toes and that I have written a little inane essay like this one every day for months. A part of me feels like reading books and watching movies and brushing up on my French and spending time with relatives and on social events is good enough. Another part of me wants to set aside time to do something more. Maybe the journal is standing in my way. Maybe it's the bed rock of what I need to do. That's what I can't figure out.