It's funny, really. People I like and think are interesting and don't see that often just pop into my mind and I'll dash off an e-mail or make a phone call. Sometimes there is no answer. I don't think much about that...there isn't always time to answer. Sometimes I just respond to something acquaintances send, keeping up the friendship although because of our obligations and interests or whatever there is not much time to get together. [We all know that I used the remodel as an excuse to avoid social stuff for months!] Of course, I say I'd like to get together because, really, I wouldn't mind. I'd like it in fact. If I'd just make the time.

Over the last year and a half since I retired I e-mailed a former coworker, someone I thought was sort of a friend, eleven times. [I reviewed my SENT mail to see if I was really some sort of weird stalker by e-mail but there were only those exchanges I could find.] There was a little back and forth each time. Two notes were about the renewal of a domain I purchased for the person while helping put together a WEB site for them. One noted that I was coming to the office for an event I'd been invited to attend by management of our old company. Two notes were about WEB sites I found (one of which was for someone who had taught the person in a class) that I thought the person would be interested in. Two notes were sent when I stumbled on something the person wrote or created for me. One note was a forward when some old acqauintance of theirs found the person through my site . [This may have been redirected mail I got from the site I built and registered for the person.] One note was sent when I finished a book the person gave me years before as a gift and so, naturally, I thought about the gift. One note was sent when a mutual friend was hospitalized and I visited the other person in the hospital. One was sent to ask if the person would agree to be a subject of FFP's human interest column.

So this person was deluged with this cascade of eleven messages over eighteen months (two of which were the necessary exchanges about the domain and one the thing from someone else looking for them I felt I should forward). This person felt put upon, I guess because I got a message yesterday basically saying 'never contact me again...you are too much trouble.' I will quote from the message. [I would have quoted it verbatim wihout ellipsis but I didn't want to reveal anything about the person here. There was some talk of family obligations, some stuff about the person having a tough life and me having an easy one, some specific references and names that might give it away.]

Now, here is what I don't get: How have I ask this person 'over and over' for time? I offered help with the WEB site and ask once for advice about another site I was doing. (No advice was given so it isn't like I really forced the person to do anything.) I passed along something where another person was seeking to locate the person via the internet. This did not seem to offend at the time. A couple of times I said "let's get together" or "maybe we could have lunch." [In retrospect, I feel guilty about extending an offer, however casual and unspecific and 'of course you aren't that serious or you would suggest time and place', for social face time to this person...because there are other people, some probably reading this, who deserve for me to make time to do something with them. Sorry. You know who you are.] I asked if the person would like to submit to an interview with FFP but dropped it when there didn't seem to be no interest.

The other thing that amuses me is that the person either assumes that anything I ever did before I can still do and actually do in retirement or else the person is reading this journal. Now wouldn't that be funny? Taking the time to read the journal but trying to kiss off direct contact via e-mail! In a year and a half and eleven e-mails, I'm pretty sure I didn't mention my maid, the ballet, travel to Europe. In my few e-mails, I made precious few references to what I was actually doing with my time.I can't remember the last time I was on Sixth Street (adults go to Fourth) but I mentioned SXSW film fest so maybe there was an assumption made. Sadly, I haven't made it to the symphony in a long time. (Sorry, Peter...you are my friend and deserve better.) Now, a lot of stuff I do (and forget myself) is in this journal. Hmmm.

I spend time with my Dad. In fact, I didn't have years of estrangement from my parents (which this person did)....I always took time for them especially in the last few years.

Another thing I don't get is that the person wanted to use the domain in question "for a different purpose at a later time" but didn't take steps to transfer it. Clearly, the thought was that if I didn't renew it then when and if they wanted it they could have it. I kept pointing out that they could transfer it and I would approve it. But the person seemed to want me to somehow suspend the rules of domains and park it in limbo!

Yep, I don't get it. Why is it necessary to send a kiss off --- to say 'farewell'? To stop the possibility of an e-mail once a month that you can delete with your spam? Is it to keep from having the difference in financial fortunes and social habits thrown in your face? In short, why kiss off someone you really will never have to see if you don't care to? To stop an e-mail every couple of months? And is the person, in spite of this, reading this journal?

I guess I have some advice for this person. It is twofold. And, naturally, it isn't really directed at them...since they couldn't possibly be wasting time reading this page.

One, if you have acquaintances of all stripes (socially, politically, all that diversity stuff) who communicate infrequently and vaguely, that's good. It won't hurt and you may find the person can help you in some way or just be a friend when you decide to lift your head from martyrdom and have some fun for a moment. You don't really have to waste time on a meal or an interview or anything else suggested. Just remain civil. Life is easier when unexpected things happen if you have maintained civility. I've noticed that this particular person has no mode of interchange between estrangement and a really close friendship. The person came to my fiftieth birthday party and asked to bring perfect strangers (to me) along because she was, apparently, so enamored of both them and me that we really 'needed to meet'. (I couldn't properly 'meet' them at a party with two hundred other friends, of course. And...I believe she's estranged from these people now. So I fed and gave alcohol to people I never really knew who are now despised by a person who can't stand me! Ain't life funny?)

Second piece of advice, if you are reading this and this was your e-mail, you are wasting time here and you are not welcome to visit my life vicariously. Farewell, indeed. Never come back to my page. Really.

And, finally, to all my readers with whom I don't exchange enough personal e-mail nor invite out for enough social events...there is one less person standing in the way!

And the best news is that this e-mail gave me something to write about today. It's not always that easy to find something to fill this space which I seem to make myself do every single day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feel OK physically and mentally. Not high or low. Relaxed really. In tune with the pace of the world.