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Wednesday September 20, 2000
"Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults." Thormas Szasz, The Second Sin
why is this here? because someone sold it once on ebay, of course |
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at a distance Do you ever get the feeling that you are no longer up close to your own life? That you are reading about it in a book?. I hear myself speaking in a phone meeting. Everyone else gathered in a room at another site. I sat behind my closed door. I presented. I was outside myself. Not nervous, not intimidated, thoughtful. A couple of people on the other end had an agenda. They had a script. My part in the script was to get defensive, act offended, quit listening and quit giving thoughtful answers. Play into their hands. I didn't. People who supported my position didn't either. One of the scripted people interrupted and sputtered long rambling objections. Another waited until the end of the meeting, time up, and listed a long list of objections and suggestions. We calmly listened. Calmly posed reasons why their suggestions might not work. It left them sputtering a little, us not taking our cues in their script. "Now, don't get defensive," one said. But the cue hadn't been taken and one of my supporters calmly assured him we were just looking for feedback. I felt outside it. I know there are few victories in some arenas. I felt far away from the meeting. I don't think it was just the isolation of being on the phone. SuRu and I have a late lunch. We go to Mervyn's and I buy some jeans and slacks and underwear. I don't really like shopping. But I do like having what I need when I need it. We eat at Houston's. I go in to check on the crowding and give her the thumb's up and she goes to park. While I'm waiting patiently for her to get inside before getting a table (because 'complete parties' seems to be the rule), some guy convinces the hostess he should be seated because his lunch companion is on the other end of his cell phone and is "only a block away." "If you go on and seat us, we will be done sooner," he says. Fortunately, there is still a table for us as well when SuRu comes inside. We pass the booth with the cell phone guy, still talking on the phone, still no companion. Must be 'talking him in' I think. At home I attempt to straighten up the house a little, manage the newspaper and magazine piles. We are having a get-together tomorrow night after work and I'm weary from my cold and weary at being far way from my life. Although it's not that bad a feeling in some ways. |
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